5 Common Mother Wound Communication Killers
Women who’ve had a troubling relationship with their mother often end up feeling unseen, unheard or misunderstood in there relationships. When trying to get your message across you might end up in a messy conversation because of the 5 common mother wound communication killers which you unconsciously use as a strategy to avoid rejection or loneliness. In this blog I’m sharing what these 5 common mother wound communication kills are and offer guidance on overcoming the underlyign fear that drives the use of these communication killers.
Before I get into it I want to let you know that I'm holding a workshop on Saturday, October 5th, 10.00-13:30 in Biel on Feeling Seen in Relationships for women who want to heal teh mother wound and feel seen, heard and understood in their personal or professional relationships
We all know the frustration of trying to get our point of view across or make another understand how we feel, ending up in a miscommunication jumble.
Blames or shaming thrown out at each other, pretending that nothing happened or dragging all the past arguments into the current one are just a few of the chaotic mess that starts from trying to address something important.
The mother wound habits we acquire in early years will set the tone for how we manage communication.
Check if you are:
Minimising your feelings (“but it’s not that bad…”)
Backing away from your truth because you fear being abandoned
Apologising (“I didn’t really mean to…”)
Trading your point of view with the other’s (“but they’re right because …”)
Swiping your true feelings under the carpet to avoid conflict
Loves, if you’re using one of these strategies by default I want you to know that it doesn’t have to be like that.
These are 5 common mother wound communication killers because they lead to a dead end.
When you hide the truth of your heart you might avoid the discomfort of conflict but you won’t be able to avoid the kind of communication you yearn for.
These strategies may have been excellent survival strategies years ago, but now they hinder the flow and the love of clear communication which has the power to bring you closer to one another, whether it’s a personal or professional connection.
The fear that triggers us to unconsciously use communication killers
Brining up our feelings, needs and wishes can be messy. It can lead to a loss, it can be uncomfortable. But it can never be The reason for a destruction of a relationship.
That’s a fear that many women who’ve had a complex relationship with their mother share.
I’ve been in plenty of false relationships, meaning that I tried to be what I thought the other wanted of me. I’d stay silent to not “cause a scene” or make the other angry; I’d lower my expectations from a relationship to not get disappointed; I’d doubt whether I wasn’t just too dramatic and too demanding….
I can go on. I used all the communication killers and my list can probably get to 35 not just 5.
I got to love and be loved and at the same time I wasn’t myself so I always felt unsatisfied at my core.
If a relationship doesn’t stand the truth of your heart then it’s either based on a false connection to begin with or it hasn’t yet evolved and matured to a place of meeting each other fully.
How to avoid the 5 common mother wound communication killers
Some times a relationship won’t stand the truth of its foundation, meaning that what brought you together are outdated unconscious survival mother wound habits.
But many relationships can evolve and heal and grow into a mature relationships. And you don't need to see yourself first in order to feel seen and have a satisfying communication.
This can be done when we heal the mother mound.
Healing the mother wound means that:
You’re no longer afraid of sharing about what matters to you because you know how to do it in a caring yet uncompromising way
You see your feelings as valid and powerful instrument of well-being and love
You’re able to include both your and others’ point of view and how to navigate the tricky territory of differences, without being triggered by your wound
If you want more of that I’ll be getting into it all in my upcoming workshop:
Feeling Seen in Relationships: for women who want to heal the mother wound and feel seen, heard and understood in their personal or professional relationships.
Saturday Oct 5, 10:00-13:30, in Biel/Bienne
What previous participants of this workshop said:
“It was my first workshop of this kind and it was a valuable experience. Your calm and gentle presence was wonderful and the exercises we did were very powerful. I felt uplifted and lighter after the workshop and will continue to work on some of the things that came up for me.”
“It was a brilliant workshop. Two different times what came up in my body was unexpected and perhaps off-topic but handled in a way that led to deep processing and integration. Shelly’s identification of what was happening was razor-sharp and with minimum, precise intervention she was able to bring my process to its momentary completion.”
In relationships, miscommunication often stems from learned habits related to the mother wound, impacting how we express ourselves. Strategies like minimizing feelings, backing away from truths, and avoiding conflict hinder clear communication. Overcoming these 5 common communication killers involves embracing vulnerability and healing past wounds. Healing the mother wound enables women to share authentically, value their emotions, and navigate differences with empathy.
Not living in Switzerland and want more?
I'm co-hosting the Healing the Mother Wound Summit 2.0
Register for FREE or purchase your discounted ticket now by clicking on the image below:
Not sure yet? No problem!
Here are a couple of ways to learn about healing the mother wound:
Sign up to my Museletter for regular, useful content on healing the mother wound
Take my video training on breaking free from mother wound limiting beliefs
Shelly's helping women who've had a complex relationship with their mother and want to release any negative impact to become unlimited in their personal or professional life
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